Gwarb the Andromedan -Portrait of Gwarb the Andromedan
By David Taehee Lee
After many days of travel from the Andromedan Galaxy to the Milky Way, Gwarb arrived at the place of learning called PRISMS in the heart of the forest, and landed his little blue spaceship by the river that rolled through the Sylvan Sliver.
Ugh… where am I? I was on my ambassadorial mission to Mars to discuss our plans on invading Earth… I should have brought that spare fuel, or I would not have needed to make an emergency landing… Wait, is this Earth? It’s definitely not Mars. It isn’t Venus, either. I heard that the atmosphere is super-hot and the air is stifling on Venus. This can’t be Mercury, either… that place does not even have an atmosphere. But then, this, indeed, is Earth! Ah, so this is the planet we Andromedans are supposed to help the Martians invade! I’ll have to search for a source of fuel somewhere, I suppose…
Whoa, this place is enormous! Look at those fancy white pillars on the facade of the building. What seems to be the entrance to this temple-like structure towers at least six times taller than my height. The creatures that inhabit this place must be gigantic. Maybe it is some religious place, a shrine? They would not have made this place this cool otherwise. Hey, somebody’s coming out of the doors! Quick, I must hide behind these pillars.
Damn, these creatures are humongous indeed… How tall are they, 14 galii? (One galus is about 5 inches) That’s twice the average Andromedan that stands merely 6 galii… And the Martians are even shorter than us with, being only 5 galii on average. We would not stand a chance against the Earthens in close combat.
Hey, what’s that on their backs? They are carrying big, black bags. Could they possibly be weapons…? Oh no, this is not a temple at all… it is a military facility! The troops must be in training right now. Perhaps they’ve found out about our planned invasion! One of them is even looking at a bright screen as he walks. Then that must be their blueprint containing military strategies. They have been expecting alien invasions all this time? This is worse than I thought…! I should propose a withdrawal from this invasion to our king if I ever manage to get back home to Andromeda, that is… I hope nobody notices this green blob in the bus-
AAAAAAAAAA! One of them got me! Now that I see, there was another door to my back. How foolish was I not to check! This one is particularly titanic with handsome garments. This must be the general...! Huh? He’s letting me go? Does he not realize that our species plans to declare war on mankind? Wait, he’s saying something. I must turn on my translator.
His name is “Matthew Pearce”. He introduces himself as the principal of this ‘school’, (so it wasn’t a military post after all…), where he is dedicated to educating young, talented students. Matthew kindly invited me to ‘afternoon tea’, where he offered me a brown liquid. “This coffee, my lad. We humans drink it more than water!” It tasted bitter at first, but I thoroughly enjoyed the rich taste.
For some reason, I couldn’t help but trust this stranger… I told him everything. That I come from a civilization several light years away from this place, how the Andromedans and Martians are planning to take over Earth, and how I got stranded on Earth. Surprisingly, he kept his calm after everything I told him. Did it not astonish him that his race was in danger? What’s more, how could he leave me unharmed even after I confessed the bad intentions of the Martians and Andromedans?
I was surprised when Matt laughed heartily and invited me to stay at his place for a while. He even expressed his wishes to communicate with our kingdom. How can one be so kind, intellectually open and curious, and good-hearted? After that, he took me on a tour around the school. People all shouted in surprise upon noticing me, but Matthew calmed them down. A while after, students were eagerly joining in the tour with fervent enthusiasm. Even the younglings here are great people…
Of all the places I was introduced to, I liked Pilab the most. There were young engineers building some kind of robot, and a whole lot of machinery craft was displayed on the shelves. These students were already making creative, innovative inventions all by themselves! Although Earth does not seem to be on the frontier of scientific technology, I see a lot of potential in the race of mankind. I am confident that such a form of organized, advanced, and harmonious education will produce greater scientists and contribute to the prosperity of Earth, just like Adam, the engineering teacher, proudly boasted.
After that, I went to Matt’s place, which was right next to the school. He himself made a tiny bed suitable for my size with cushions and blankets. How considerate of him! I washed and made myself comfortable. The gentleman offered to introduce parts of his house, but I was too exhausted for the day. You see, one day is only 16 tinks back on our planet (One tink is about 26 minutes) ... it has already been 18 tinks since I landed on Earth. I had to sleep…
The next morning, Matthew prepared a delicious breakfast ‘in honor of his guest’. I was surprised to see the fruits Earth had to offer: they were vivid in color and extremely sweet. Especially that yellow one, the ‘mango’: it was one of a kind. Matt told me that, based on his studies, alien life is highly unlikely to eat any sort of meat, since they would not have the appropriate enzymes to digest it. I didn’t get the part about the enzymes, but his hypothesis was correct: we Andromedans eat fruit, leaves, and fungi. We indeed do not practice cannibalism: come to think of it, the Saggitarians also do not eat meat! It was simply astounding how Matt was able to figure this out. He said, with that charming smile, “That’s science, my lad!” Matthew had to leave early for school. As he stepped out of the front door, he told me that I was welcome to use the place as my own… but advised me to stay away from the lab in the basement. Apparently, certain chemicals in the lab are toxic to most alien species. I expressed my thanks and waved goodbye. Although I wanted to explore the neighborhood, I thought it would be very awkward if the old lady next door were to run into some green blob on her morning stroll…
Well, I do have work to do: I have to contact headquarters and find an alternate source of fuel (apparently, this planet does not have microbes that decompose iron). I know I can’t stay here forever. But for the time being, living this new but pleasant life with Matthew and his school seems fun! YOLO, as Earthaneans would say. Maybe I should ask Matt if I can work as a temporary foreign language teacher (extraterrestrial language instructor would be more accurate) or astronomy teacher? We shall see.
