And There Goes The Rain

By David Taehee Lee

“Wake up, Jack! Y’ no sleepin’ all day long!”

It was him again. Half-asleep, I slouched out of bed and opened the curtains with a sigh. Why of course, the sky is murky! Alas, my umbrella is at school! Even felt sick from getting wet on the way back home yesterday. Before I could even make my bed the voice called again from across the living room, this time louder and with a waft of alcohol:
“Y’ heard me, son! Get the heck outta here!”

Hastily, I shoved my stuff into my half-torn bag and jumped out of the room just as the drunkard burst out of the kitchen. His hair was a total mess and stains of liquor on his pants, Father brandished a spatula at my face as if he were Captain Hook. And the sailor knows better than anyone that not a soul messes with a pirate, let alone a drunk one with two full jugs of whiskey down his throat. Not wasting a single second, I ran out of the house, clumsily scooching up the hoodie lying on the ground as I went.

Right before I closed the front door, however, there was another scent other than alcohol. Wait, we don’t have any flowers in the house… Whatever, I hastily left it behind with the thudding footsteps as I swung the gates shut.

I got into the school bus just in time as it started pulling away. The seniors in the front seats threw disgusted looks as I rushed across the corridor. It was then I realized that I did not wash this morning. Of course, with that madman going wild like a bulldozer, how could I have done such a thing? I even forgot to cover my head with the hoodie I had brought! I slowly made my way to the backmost row of the bus, which, as usual, was empty. Trying to distract myself, I slammed my headphones over my ears and played some pop music. But even the dynamic beats weren’t enough to redirect me away from the stream of thoughts gushing through my head.

Fine, there’s no point in lying to myself: I did not leave my umbrella at school. Somebody took it from me. Danny, the chad of the school, can get anything he wants from vaishyas like me. Hands in pockets, collars up straight, and a sneer on the face, Danny came slouching over to me, clearly out of pure boredom. I immediately redirected my gaze to the ground as he came close: from the corner of my eye, I saw The Rajah scanning the area around me as if he were trying to find somebody to pick a fight on. Then he joyously scooped down and picked up my umbrella lying on the ground.

“Hey Jack! Y’ mind if I borrow your umbrella for a day? Don’t want my hair gettin’ all tangled up in the rain.”

It was as if time itself had stopped. Everyone nearby fell silent at once, like how the people at the circus do when the breaker brings in the elephant. Even the rain thudding against the windows seemed to fade away. Feeling the heat rise like crazy on my face, I hastily fixed my eyes on Danny’s shiny shoes. Even that did not help: the polish dazzled my eyes. I managed to utter a weak “...no, Dan” before he slapped my back in what was supposed to be a reassuring pat. My knees gave away, and I fell off my chair.

“Thanks, dude! You’re a true friend of mine.”

A true friend! Don’t you dare say those empty words! I wanted to shout out, but all that came out of my mouth was a moan of pain. I buried my face in my arms as the crowd jeered and laughed. That’s what circus animals are for, anyways…

Even worse, the bus did not come that day, for the rain, pouring down like a storm by then, had paralyzed the traffic completely near the city's center. Already drenched in and out, I carefully avoided my classmates down my way across the sidewalk. I was so intent on ensuring I ran into nobody that I did not notice somebody approaching from my back.

“Jack!”

I wheeled around and froze on the spot. It was Danny. Of course, it was him. Again. He had my umbrella over his head and wore a peculiar expression: it was as if he was torn between whether to laugh at my awful appearance or feel sorry about it. But I glimpsed a third emotion: was that remorse?

“Hey Jack-”

My feet miraculously regained mobility that instant, and I did not bother to waste another second: I ran flat out into the night. The rain quickly drowned his shouts as I realized how awfully wet and cold I was.

“Jack! Jaaaack…”

Yet after all that happened yesterday, here he was: even through my headphones, I could hear him and his gang chatting fervently in the front rows, joking and laughing as if everything in the world was merry. For a short moment, I absent-mindedly fixed my eyes on Danny. Although I hate to admit it, he is so much of an attractive figure. I mean, who would not want to have a six-foot-tall, good-looking, outgoing, athletic, and enthusiastic boy as a friend? Just take a look at the gang clustered around that guy! How can boys have so much to talk about? Maybe they all simply want to get along with The Alpha in the grade. Yet Danny treats his friends with respect. And the people return his respect with attention and love.

I wish I could be a cool guy like him. Not this Mr. Nobody who barely gets noticed by anyone. No, I do not even wish for that much. If only I could be in his inner circle… if only I could be his friend… I would find life much more enjoyable. I briefly imagined myself laughing alongside Danny and his friends… I smiled.

But then, happiness was an emotion god forbade me from conceiving.

It struck down upon me so abruptly as if the brain repulsively pushed away the positive bubble that formed in my head. That memory that I tried so much to forget- but Mother left us seven years ago this very day. I must have known the moment I smelled flowers back at home. Self-denial only held me back from facing the fact…

Mother was the best thing that ever happened to me. I would slip into her warm arms whenever I felt sad or lonely. And she would always be there for stubborn me. Every Sunday, she would make the best apple pie there is for me to enjoy at school lunch the following week. She would take me out to the amusement park once in a while, riding roller coasters (usually the less-scary ones: Mother had acrophobia). On Fridays, we would go to the market to buy food for the week. I would always beg Father for an extra bag of Oreos, and then Mother would slip a pack under the vegetables when Father was away. On payday, we would go to Neiman Marcus to get Mother new clothes. Father would awe at Mother in billowing dresses of white, saying stuff I could not understand, and Mother, blushing, would wave him off with an “Oh Frederick…” On Mother’s Thirty- fifth birthday, Father and I attempted to bake a cake while she was out to meet her friends. We ended up burning it up, but Mother loved it. I drew the words “We love you, Maria!” with whipped cream on the unfinished cake. We promised to make the next cake even better, and Mother politely insisted that she give us a proper cooking lesson beforehand.

But that did not happen.We never saw the gastric cancer growing inside of her: it was too late when mother vomited out lamb chops after dinner, her favorite dish. Father immediately took her to the doctor’s, and me following hurriedly with no idea. The ghastly expression when the doctor gravely announced that she was ‘terminally ill’… I will never forget. That was the first time I saw fear in my guardian angel’s face. Father cried into her arms in disbelief and despair. Eight-year-old me did not get what the adults were so terrified of, so I asked the doctor what the matter was. The response cleaved my heart in two.

“She’s got less than a month, son. I am so sorry…”

Mother parted in her sleep eleven days later. I remember Father desperately attempting cardiopulmonary resuscitation before collapsing, breaking into tears. I remember grabbing my mother’s limp arm as the people from the hospital hoisted her onto a portable bed. I remember Auntie Kelly gently kissing Mother’s forehead as she wiped the tears from her eyes in the morgue. I remember Uncle Owen arguing with Father about whether we should bury her in the family cemetery or spread her cremated remains in The Memorial Reef in Florida, as she once told Father over drinks. I remember the flames consuming those hands that once stroke my head so gently during the funeral. Father, already half-drunk, grabbed my shoulders and croaked in a hoarse voice,

“At least she ain’t suffered, Jack. Let ‘er go… Maria… Maria…”

Father has been drinking ever since.
I was on the verge of tears when I heard the seat creak next to me. It was Danny. I had no energy left to resist him this time around… But then I saw that he wore a puzzled, almost fearful expression. He also had my umbrella in his hands, which was in surprisingly good condition.

He gently patted my back, and said, in an anxious voice, “Uhh… Are you okay, Jack?”

Was it because I got too immersed in my emotions? Or was I moved that Danny, the boy who was always mean to me, was consoling me in my time of need? Or did I, for that instant, see my mother’s warmth in him? I did not know. Nor did I care. I buried my face in those big arms of his and started sobbing.

Surprisingly, Danny did not draw back. Instead, he took my head in his left hand and softly stroked my hair with the other hand. Like Mother used to. With that, I did not hold back any longer: the sobs became cries and tears flooded down my already watery eyes. And Danny held me firmly but softly:

“It’s all going to be all right, Jack… I am here for you…”

It took some while until I calmed myself down. I hastily wiped the tears from my eyes and face with the sleeve of my hoodie.

“Sorry, Danny- I- I got emotional all of a sudden- I didn’t mean to-”“It’s fine, Jack… We all do so once in a while. You okay?”
“...yeah, I guess. It’s just that Mother, she- today’s the seventh anniversary… I miss her.”
“Oh Jack… I had no idea- she must have meant a lot to you. I feel you. I- Father passed away like, two years ago, as a matter of fact... ”

I jumped in astonishment, almost pushing Danny aside. Danny? Of all people? But how…?

“Really? That- I am so sorry, Danny- I shouldn’t have brought this up to you… these memories… better left buried deep down, or they break you down…”
“Not at all, Jack. It’s totally okay to miss your beloved ones- that’s what makes us human. ” “But you, Danny? I would have never known… You’re always so bright and energetic…”

And then, for the first time, Danny’s voice was trembling but only very slightly.

“Me? Nah… It’s what barely keeps me sane. Without keeping myself busy with all of those, I would fall into a pit of despair and never climb out… Father’s last wish was that I stay his proud and bright son and not feel depressed about it. Father was afraid that his son might not do well without him… Every day, in front of the mirror, I promise myself and my Father that I would be a good boy… that I am healthy and well, and that I am strong and independent. So that Father could rest in peace…”

This revelation took me aback. But as much as it seemed impossible, I could not help but trust Danny.

“Wow, that’s… great. Your father must be so proud of you, Danny. But… I don’t think Mother would… I’ve never tried as you did. I take it with me instead… I even had scary thoughts, Danny. Really scary thoughts. Thoughts that send shivers down the spine. Thoughts so horrible that you can not even muster the courage to speak out. Father is still having a tough time getting over it, and I am afraid that people would make fun of me if I ever bring that topic out… I am tired, Danny. So troubled and exhausted…”
“Jack-”
“Speaking of the people, I feel so left out from the other guys back at school. Mother always said that you should respect others to be respected in return. I try my best to be a nice guy, you know… to live up to Mother’s words. But people simply aren’t like that, see. After all the times I’ve helped those people when they haven’t even asked for it… After all the little conversations I’ve tried to strike up with my classmates… They never come back.”
“Oh Jack… now I see.”
“And I question myself whether I am the one playing the fool… But the truth does not change, Danny: I’m all alone in this cruel, godforsaken world…”

And I felt tears starting to fill my eyes again. I reached out for my hoodie again, but this time Danny got me first: he pulled out a handkerchief and wiped my watery sockets.

“Don’t say that! The Jack Kumar I know is thoughtful, warm, and compassionate indeed. You just have your ways of showing it… I’m also like that. Although I might not seem like the sort of guy… But I hide that part of myself from others. You see, most people are not so emotional and empathetic… They take honesty as a sign of weakness. They take your kindness for granted. They rarely think twice before they speak or act. I admire you for being brave enough to show your true self… Not many can do that. And you’ve got me, Jack. You’re not alone in this.”
“Yeah… Guess we’re quite similar on the inside, after all… I am glad that I have you, Danny. Why did you come by, anyways?”

Danny seemed to straighten himself up at this point, as he slowly said:

“Oh, right. I’ve come to apologize for my behavior yesterday.”
“Oh- that. No, never mind- you didn’t mean any of it, anyways-”
“Listen, I… I shouldn’t have done what I did to you yesterday. It was all wrong.”
“Huh? What do you mean-”
“Look, Jack- Taking away your umbrella- smacking you in the back- letting other people make fun of you- all of it… I should never have done that. What I did to you can not be justified by any means… Remember when we met after school? I was so ashamed of myself after seeing you getting soaked and cold that I walked all the way home without that umbrella… I dare not imagine how hard it must have been for you yesterday… Please, forgive my foolishness, Jack…”

Our eyes met. And I saw those handsome, grey eyes deep with remorse and sincerity.

“Nah, Danny… forget about it. Come to think of it, if it were not for that, we would never have had this time together. It’s all for the better, I guess…”
“To be honest… I did so because I wanted to get closer to you, Jack.”

My heart skipped a beat.

“What do you m-mean by that…?”
“I hope you don’t get freaked out or anything, but… I’ve been observing you for a while, Jack. I saw how you hide from others, but you truly want and need people by your side… I felt the emptiness, Jack. I saw myself reflected in you… And now I see. The gap your mother once filled in your heart is so wide that you do not want to hurt yourself further… I did not know how to address you, knowing so little about the person you are… And I stuck to my bad old habits. I know it is hard for you… but if only you can open your heart a bit, Jack… there are people willing to get along with you and help you out.”

Danny paused. He seemed to gather his breath before continuing, in an uncertain yet hopeful voice, “So, umm… What do you think?”

I thought for a moment, my brain trying desperately to conjure up what to say. But then, something deep down in my heart answered for me, and as soon as the words left me, I knew this was the answer I was looking for all along.

“Can we be true friends, Danny?”

Danny seemed to go numb for a moment. Then he laughed his charming laugh and broke into the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.

“Absolutely!”

And I smiled back. The first true smile I made since Mother passed away.
As Danny and I talked happily about where to hang around after school, I noticed that the dark clouds have disappeared.

“Hey, is that a double rainbow?”

I peered out of the window. And there, hanging just above the tall skyscrapers, indeed were a pair of rainbows that had formed after the morning rain. We both awed in wonder.

“I’ve only read about them twin rainbows… Beautiful, are they not?”
“I’d say that one’s for me and the other one’s for you, Jack!”

I laughed. Danny really has a knack for words.